My dear B.W.

If your name is Ben and you have those gorgeous grey green eyes and lovely red hair please read this. Even if you are not him please read it anyway. It is long and proper cheesy so I am sorry for that.

I do not know what happened or what I did wrong. We met in the strangest way and it turned out you lived literally seconds away from me. You came over on Christmas Eve met my parents and my brother and you laughed with them. You asked if you could hug me and I rested my head on your chest. You were my first kiss. That night I stayed over and when we woke up to my parents missed calls you walked me home straight away and apologised. My dad told you to go home but you waited at my door just to make sure I was okay. I remember every single thing. The way we walked to the park the benches we sat on the ice rink and the fairground rides behind us. I remember the two girls sitting opposite us. I remember exactly where we stopped to hug or kiss. The last time we saw each other I remember play fighting over who loved who more and then you started speaking the little Spanish you knew. It made me so happy. You pointed at the hamster cage and said Jenny when you saw her moving. I would give anything to go back to that Sunday night to hold you tight and tell you that I love you with all my soul and that you are the most important thing to me. An I love you is not enough. te amo from the very depths of my being. I love everything about you. Your red hair those freckles your voice. I remember the table at Spoons you liked. I remember the yellow roses I bought to replace the dead ones in your flat and how you asked if I had hurt myself on the thorns. The last time we spoke I wished you a happy birthday and you said thank you so much you are amazing I really appreciate that. My last message was I really missed you so much hahaha. The next morning I said good morning and then nothing. No reply not even a seen. It felt like a literal stab in the heart seeing the To Let sign on your flat. You did not tell me anything and it hurts so much that you ignored me while being active especially now that you have probably moved to the North East of England. I do not care about naming the country anymore I want you to know I am talking to you. I love you enough to give you my heart in a Bohemia crystal box. Since you started ghosting me things have been hard. I ended up in A&E with a MH crisis on Monday. By the way since being in A&E I have been able to speak a bit more without feeling so embarrassed and without using a translator as much even though I am still a bit clumsy when I talk. On Tuesday I walked all the places we went together. I sat on that same bench by the ice rink and just cried. I sat at the table on the pier where you sat. The park bench is the only place where I feel like I am with you again. I saw HTAFC drew their match today so I am happy for you. I hope I did not do anything wrong. I am sorry if I was too clingy or intense it is just that I am so in love with you. My brother who works with you asked about you bc he has not seen you. I just want to know you are okay in good health and a good headspace. I hope Raven and Socks are doing well. I love you Ben. I am annoying I know xxx