May 18 2021 - To mourn you in private

However, a part of you will always belong to the world. As for my life ... well, my life belongs solely to me.

Things are pretty balanced between us but that part I envy about you. I envy it because as we grow older ... you will have the luxury of believing I am out there still alive ... never knowing if I left this earth. As for me ... well, If you pass before me .... I’ll know about it.

Of course people who appreciate you/your art will feel the loss and your achievements will be spoken of and people will mourn but it’ll be different for me. If you left this earth —- a part of me would go with you. I would be overcome with sorrow and my family would be left wondering,”what is wrong with grandma?”

I can imagine a great grandchild coming up to me as I sit alone in a chair with tears running down my face and asking me why I’m sad. I’d have to force a little smile and tell a half truth , “ oh I’m just sad because I lost a friend.” The older adults would look at me perplexed because they wouldn’t know what I’m talking about.

To love you in private is easy but to mourn you in

private would be heartbreaking.

-T