… i just can’t, and I’m tired of people calling me an attention seeker, tired of people giving me weird looks, insulting me, it feels like they hate me, and they probably do. I made a promise that I can’t keep, I’m trying to live to the person who I made the promise to (my best friend)’s birthday, but I don’t even know if I can live until mine. They told me they suffered like I do, self harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, but I recently learned that might all be a lie. If so, was our entire friendship a lie? Every moment? Every vent? And if they’re not lying, then how could I let myself half believe that they are? I’m scared that my friend group hates me, is judging me, thinks I’m too weird or doesn’T feel comfortable around me. Every time I see a vent post I feel disgusting because I let myself vent when I know im not doing worse than them. And if I do die, I’m scared to see their faces. They’re either going to be sad , or not care and move on in a second, and im scared it’ll be the latter. But I mean if it is the latter then I guess it’s nice that they’re not sad. … I know how stupid and selfish I sound, so I’m grateful if you even clicked on this post. … sorry for wasting your time, im such a useless idiot. Sorry for sounding like an attention seeker, I can assure you I’m not, and I know you probably think I am and oh well I guess I can’t prove it to you. … thanks I guess 

I can’t do this anymore