Am I in the wrong?

To start with, I lost my darling mum who I had been caring for in 2024 and then my ex partner who has been my biggest support in grief passed too in August 2025. My world has fallen apart and my nervous system is totally smashed to pieces, I know I’m not nice to be around, and I keep myself contained to my room most of the time because I do not want to infect the rest of the flat with my energy.

I was good friends with one girl I live, but I just shut down when my mum died. I find interacting with others that haven’t been through this reallt really difficult. I don’t want to feel better or chat or laugh or anything. So I was excluding myself and I’m awareeeee. Then in the summer just before my ex passed she became friendly with a new housemate, and after that she really dropped any interest in me, I felt very unwelcome all of a sudden, discarded, actively excluded, but she would still ask me to do things for her so I feel used too. Normal circumstances I would let the friendship drift away, we would stop talking and that would be that. But because we live together that couldn’t happen. I was feeling very hurt about this treatment, on top of profound grief, loss of identity, and it was firing up abandonment wounds and rejection sensitivity. I admit that me and another housemate (there are 4 of us) did speak about this, she felt excluded too, and we felt increasingly disrespected as well, this started to create a real negative atmosphere, to which I admit I was partially responsible for. Anyway. Eventually I asked to put it all to bed because it was very uncomfortable for all of us and I spent the rest of my time avoiding them.

This week, the one i used to be friends with moved out. I had been thinking about saying something for closure, and went to apologise for the part I played in the breakdown of our friendship, expecting her to say the same. But all she did was tell me I was emotionally immature and I need to work on myself because of the negativity and talking about her (I honestly don’t actually know what it is she thinks we were saying). I tried to explain why, but all she said was “right”. There was no, I’m sorry for making you feel that way, it wasn’t intentional, etc etc, no attempt to even defend it, but then doubled down on me being emotionally immature and making comments trying to belittle me.

Was I in the wrong? I feel it is not very nice treatment of anyone, let alone someone grieving the loss of my mum and someone I loved very much. But was I emotionally immature here? I know I shouldn’t have said stuff behind her back but I was hurt and it was a pressure cooker situation. Even now I don’t really know what the best solution would be. Accept it and be quiet I guess? I wouldn’t dream of calling someone out for leaving me out. If a friendship is fading I let it, but this was a difficult situation to do that in.

Sorry for the length 😭