Why do I feel scared to work out?

So, I tried to lose weight about a year ago, it didn't go that well, i worked out and lost weight, but i was incredibly scared of water weight, constantly compared myself, checked the scale like thrice a day, on'y allowed myself to eat at dinner... etc.

Now i still want to lose weight. I want to reach my goal, for which I only need to lose 4kgs but it's so hard. I've been trying for years and it keeps yo-yoing. Now i want to work out but it reminds me of when i hated myself, when i starved myself, when i wanted to die, and i don't know how to get over it. Does anyone have any tips on how to lose weight and get over this problem?