have to come off soon

so. I've been taking gabapentin for three months now, recreationally at first, then realized it made me feel better at lower dosages as I've been waiting for my psychiatrists appointment to get some meds (I was only taking lamotrigine and was desperate to come back to antidepressants) now I take it recreationally sometimes, at dosages 1500 and higher, some days I can stay away from it but no more than for a day. then I come back to at least one pill of 300mg to feel a little better. I've tried coming off of it once, rapidly, and it was a truly nightmarish experience... in a month it will become unavailable in my country. bought a full pack today, may have to be my last one obviously I will take it to get high at least a few more times, bit the question is, how do I deal with withdrawal? I seem okay most days I come down to 300-900 but 24hrs after the last dose the hell starts coming down on me and I have to take another one. I have to wean off, I have literally no other choice... how do I do it and be able to function and go to work? am I cooked? it was only 3 months but it feels like forever, I can't stop