So. I've been trying to put myself back out there after taking a year long hiatus from dating and kind of just existing on my own, and the observations I've made are making me rethink trying to join the community.

Let me preface this by first saying I am Cis-presenting, beard, 5'11", 260 lbs. Yes, I wear make up but that doesn't pull from the fact I am not the stereotypical "slender" nb. I'm not saying I'm jealous, I've done a lot of internal work to be more comfortable with myself.

What I've noticed is that a significant amount of people in my local space tend to treat me differently then other non-binary folks, they tend to treat me more like a dudebro that is stepping on their toes and invading a space that doesn't belong to me, but in my mind I'm just as non-binary as anyone else there! It's not a competition, there's no sign saying "you must be this visually identifiable as non-binary", but that's how this feels!

The gay men treat me like I'm another gay guy, but pretending to be trans. That they can make me feel "manly" enough. I don't want that dynamic.

I try to be involved in the trans community, but I have been accused of invading and being told "make up doesn't make you trans" like that's what it means to me.

And even other NBs, which I feel a need to point out around me are almost exclusively AFAB and transfeminine NBs, tend to exclude me from conversations because of my more masc qualities. I understand there is a major issue with cis dudes playing NB to score brownie points, and I'm all for them protecting themselves this way. I just feel so isolated, I want to be part of a community. I've been cast out by a significant portion of my cis groups after coming out to them, and the ones that say "we understand" never make efforts to use they/them and use my dead name.

I guess I want advice on finding a community, I'm so scared I won't. Or maybe some kind words.

Included pics because I want to feel good about myself.

Issues with socializing as a non-androgynous AMAB NB