Trying to change a friendship dynamic. I think this person became my FP and that has to stop.

Hi all <3 ugh ok I haven't posted on here in a while. I get so like afraid of acknowledging my BPD feelings because of all the stigmas and whatnot. I'm going to try to keep this short, but I guess I just want advice on how to keep an FP as a friend and make them .. not your FP anymore.

My FP always ends up being a straight man that I feel safe with. The last one was my ex. This one is someone I'm in grad school with, we'll call him Jake. Long story short, my life is honestly very hard; I have uncontrolled epilepsy and have been having weekly seizures since August. This has caused my depression to get really really really bad.

Jake and I became friends in the beginning of grad school, so like September 2024. I initially had pretty strong romantic feelings for him, and I hadn't felt that way about anyone in a long time. Over time, after being rejected multiple times, those romantic feelings mostly stopped, I'd say like 90%. But he became someone who felt really safe for me. Kind of a perfect storm. He's constantly available, he's single, etc.

The last few months, when things were so so so bad with my epilepsy, I was relying on him really intensely. Calling him daily. And mind you, this makes me hate myself and I'm constantly worrying that he hates me and is sick of me. He of course is like.. what are you talking about? And I don't want to paint him as perfect. While he has been there for me, he is sometimes not super nice to me and like is very cold and avoidant. And then I blame it all on myself.

Anyways, we recently had a serious conversation about our dynamic. He was like I love you, but I feel like I'm your platonic boyfriend/emotional support person, and I want our friendship to be like.. more normal. And I 100% hear him and I also want that very much. But change is so hard for me. And I'm just like.. so convinced he hates me now. I have a therapist now that I started with a few weeks ago who I'm seeing twice a week and we've been discussing this.

I think what's tough is just how much I'm beating myself up. I know it takes time for dynamics to change. The thing is... I'm sitting here obsessing over this, and I know he's like... barely thinking about it. I'm not texting him as much, I'm rarely calling him, and I'm not venting to him about epilepsy stuff. But it's only been like idk.. 11 days since we had this conversation. And I feel so so distant from him. And I hate that I feel like if I stop texting him, our friendship will die. Cause he just isn't someone who initiates things with anyone frankly. And why is our friendship dying such a massive fear of mine, you know? It's not like it's making me feel good right now. It has been a very healthy friendship for a lot of the time! Things have just been really hard since November honestly when my depression got bad.

I guess I wanna hear stories of your previous FP turning into a more healthy friendship. I know change is uncomfortable and takes time. I'm trying to be nice to myself about it. For example, I just texted him, and now I'm beating myself up about it.. But I text all my other friends and like.. feel totally fine about it lol. My fear of abandonment is just so activated right now. I lost 3 of my best friends when my epilepsy got really bad a few years ago bc life got hard and brain surgery happened and people can't handle things.

Sorry this is so long lol thank you for reading if you read. Just looking for support/advice <3