Just watched YLIA for the first time

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be as happy as a person I was before watching this show. I had heard it was really good and the Netflix description fooled me as a happy-go-lucky show. No one told me what I was getting myself into. Please let there be other people who have felt this way and got better, because I have cried practically non stop ever since the final episode. When will I stop thinking about this show?

A few notes:

At the end of ep 16, when kaori asked kousei if he wanted to khs with her, that was the moment that pretty much broke all my hope for this series to end happily. Even so, during the final piano scene I felt some hope, and then I heard it. “Goodbye”

What destroyed me the most was the letter, and the fact that the two loved each other so much, but never got to tell the other person to their face, they never hugged, or even held hands romantically. I know you don’t need to do that to show love, but I wished he could’ve kept a memory of her touch. I think I want to die now (obviously I’m joking but damn).