I just found out my ex has started seeing someone else and I can’t tell anyone how I feel.

I’ve just found out that my ex has started seeing someone else and it’s hit me a lot harder than I ever thought it would and I can’t tell anyone in my life about it.

So some backstory me 25M and my ex 33f met because we work together and I liked her from my first meeting. She was so beautiful and I literally couldn’t stop thinking about her but I never thought it would ever happen, eventually we became close friends and I was honestly happy with that.

2 years passed and our friendship grew and we became very close and then one night during a very busy work period things just kind of took off over text. I was so happy and it was a rough start but I thought that we’d make it and live happily ever after but that obviously hasn’t happened.

The relationship started and she wanted to keep it on the down low for a while and I agreed that it was no one else’s business and things were going great but cracks began to form pretty fast. In the start it was more just sexting that anything and a short time after we sat down and spoke it all out and decided that we were going to put a title on it and be a couple. she still wanted to keep it a secret from everyone including our families, this actually upset me but I accepted it because I genuinely loved her.

So we carried on sneaking around which was extremely hard because she didn’t want to accidentally run into anyone we know so instead we had to go to the next town over just to be safe.

We started arguing a lot and I’ll take responsibility on that as I was immature and love teasing people so I was annoy her and she would flip out, but she would always resort to telling me it’s over and to block her number and I would always be fighting up hill to get her back.

Eventually a year passed and we was still in a secret relationship where we couldn’t have proper dates and she would always be trying to tell me on how I can improve and make her happier and the main thing always being gifts. I would consider myself to have grown up poorer than most around me so gifts where never I big deal to me and I preferred to just talk and have physical intimacy and this always caused friction, she would tell me how gifting is apart of her love language and I had never even heard of love language.

By the end of the first year we had learnt so much and had decided we would be each others first. That didnt go great and again I can admit I wasn’t the best at the after care bit as she felt unwanted and uncared for because we don’t talk for an hour after it. I definitely could have done better an I was trying to change for the better but it just never felt like enough.

By the end of the first year/ start of the second year we had been through so many arguments that I broke it off. She told me to block her and I called her on it and just did it, she was so upset and I promised I would never do it again but said we both need to change. Things didn’t really change and even after a short break up and get back together she still wanted a secret relationship and I still agreed.

And again 6 months went but of some

Good times but a lot of arguing and we ended up getting into a fight that really ended it badly.

I tried talking to her but she said she has nothing to talk about and so I left it. But I recently thought that maybe we could still make it work like an idiot and so I reached out to her and apologised for everything and she said she accepts my apology but that was it and didn’t have anything to say herself.

Fast forward to today and I haven’t been able to stop

Thinking about her but one of my coworkers let it slip that she’s seeing someone and I’m just crushed. I had to keep it as secret for 2 years of my life from everyone around me and this new guy comes along and a new member of staff knows about her because she told them. I tried my best to smile through it but it devastated me and I just don’t have anyone to speak to about it.

I know I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend and I know things could have been better but I just feel so disrespected and hurt by it.

I’m so tired and genuinely just hate myself for feeling like this but I know it’s not my fault. I’ve put on a front all my life to the point I even joke about my brother that died when I was a child and don’t allow myself to cry.

I needed to just tell someone and so I’ve threw this account together so I can delete it all when I’m ready and forget this ever happened.