How to cultivate a life decentering men

Myself and my closest friend (both early 30s) just got out of long term relationships in the last year. We just spoke about how dating men becomes like a drug to us. I find myself pathetic waiting for a reply and giving too much of myself to a man who can't even clean his bathroom or properly communicate.

I just want some help/advice/perspective on how to really get out of this obsessive loop. I made the decision and im not on dating apps. I do have some hookups that I meet irregularly. But sometimes I meet a guy and it just triggers this part of me that becomes all consuming. Usually an avoident type.

Im single 3 months now and initially felt so free but now I feel like my attention is all directed towards a certain guy. Moving into my new apartment im thinking of him visiting me there?! Why cant I make things beautiful for myself? It feels like im desperately seeking validation but I'm cloaking it behind being a sexually liberated woman? It can be both, I understand that.

I want my attention back on myself. I'm already in a codependency therapy group since my breakup but any books/podcasts/nuggets of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.