Thursday Night Blues 💙
This was my first time writing with intent in a few years. Haven't had much desire to but yesterday I needed to get some stuff out. It's not perfect, a few places don't line up quite right but I think it came out ok. But I also feel I'm biased in both directions lol so I'd really appreciate some feedback & y'all's thoughts. Thanks ❤️
War has broken out between my head and my heart
My feet beg only to walk back to you
Cardiac arrest, my heart heart stops in protest
But my head knows, this is what we have to do
My heart now holds nothing but contempt for me
Stacking up junk on my lungs, making it harder to breathe
Every night it threatens to kill me in my sleep
I kinda wish it would already. Just free me from this misery
But the words must only be a desperate bluff
Cause morning after morning comes and I just keep on waking up
As always, I hope your visage will be there to greet my vision
But per tradition, I blink the sand away and I see nothing much
Just two vacant shells, sunken into my reflection
Always hollow and lifeless, always focused in my direction
Always longing for solace, craving a shred of affection
Begging to resurrect the dead, dying for reconnection
"Pin our butterfly back to the wall, the beautiful jewel of our collection
The only creature that's ever mattered, the only truly perfect specimen!"
[ ]
Nowadays, there's only empty space and stale air inside this case
I almost see you in the glass, then catch a glimpse of my wretched face
And there are those vacant shells again, in hollow pits where spiders live
Silk enfolds the chrysalis and the Bitter Widow's closing in
Dipping her hypodermic fangs down into our potential
Targeting the sacred parts of Us she knows are most essential
She's carving through our armor that we thought was steel & stone
And dissolving the hard, white calcium that had grown to conjoin our bones
Her anti-coagulant toxins make our blood flow much, much thinner
I never thought this was what she meant when she said she'd make us dinner...
Even left for dead with our lifelines, tendons and ties all severed
For two more harsh, relentless winters, we managed to hold it together
Together--> <--from a distance.
Waiting for word to arrive at first light upon a Sparrow's wing
Waiting for midnight to hear each other's voice through cans and string
"No! You can't have ANYTHING. You are a child, only a child.
You have no voice here, you will never have a say!
And him? He's just a dog, a stray! Don't feed him or he'll try to stay.
This is my house and here, you will live MY way."
"oh.......okay..." And that was that
No retort, no fighting back
In my chest, a silent heart attack
As I watched our light give way to black
Then I carried home the corpse of Us and kept it safe, tucked in my bed
It's got a pocket with a notebook where I wrote down all the things you said
I read them when I wake up, I read them just to sleep at night
I whisper to feel your sigils on my lips, nestled between my sighs
I carve the runes into my skull and strive to bide my waning time
But the Wicked Widow guards the windows with weapons and ammo to hold the line
In a nutshell, I'm sad, depressed & defeated.
I feel wronged, fucked over. A little pissed off even.
Why didn't you try to fight for us?? Why did you just lie down??
What about today, after all of this pain, would you try to stand, to fight for us now?
You're the only one who can change this, only your hands hold the key
You're the only one who can make the moves that would bring you back to me
You can have this if you grow up, we can have this if you try
That's all I really, really want to see, not another year of wasting time
So afraid to cross the Widow's line, it's time for you to grow a spine
Reject these rules and free your mind, stand up and put your hand in mine!
I wish that I could tell you this
But the revelation must come from you
I did my best to give you hints
But I don't seem to be getting through
Just dial tone & more dial tone
The operator won't pick up
Playin Zeros on the dial til my fingertip's a bloody stump
000000000000000000000000000000000
I thought
I'd write more
But now...
I think I'm done
This is fucked.
This is dumb.
I give up.
HOPE
nope.
Posted Feb 11, 2026, 10:13 PM UTC