I cant handle anymore I don’t know what to do.

(Please do not dm - you will be reported and blocked)

I am so tired, pregnant and at thirties F, married to an “ADHD” called husband. (He says he has adhd).

I am going for a speed walk for some calories burn, i cant stop crying to my situation.

I have been with him more than 6 years now, it was good at the beginning, but then these up and downs came. If i can call it like this, our sex life is like bipolar personality disorder.

We were on vacation last months, baby moon, unlimited sex, good time, we came back. Simply zero attraction level touches, zero sexy kisses, zero intimacy or sex. When I tried initiating he was either yawning or asking me to sleep.

I sense his attraction sexually towards me is completely over. I caught him last year for the first time doing porn behind me, while I was waiting him to have sex with me or want me.

I am still believing this can be the reason.

Lately his reason why he is not into sex is with his overweight he does not want to lie on me. Where there are thousand of couples doing sex during pregnancy on other shapes. Then he said about the kicks, now bcs the kicks are there he does not feel like it.

Even doctors are saying best time to have sex is second trimester and sees no problem on sex.

I am thinking like now we will have a baby soon, but I don’t feel like a wife at all. He does everything to please me, cute sweet husband but he is just like a flatmate who tries to keep me there happy.

If something happens I am not happy he is extremely disappointed and angry.

Last time he punched the closet door bcs he is not fighting with me.

He is happy when we dont have sex. He is happy we have a dead bedroom. I have been like with some people already in my past before him and I was always highly desired by them, never thought of sex life bcs it was flawless and smooth. Naturally went perfectly without any any any single consideration.

It makes me cry when I think of breaking up from him or divorcing where we could have a lovely family time. I love him so much, just from looking at him.

We are talking deeply about stuff, traveling nicely, both have good home office jobs.

I think he just keeps the marriage ongoing bcs his sex needs are satisfied on bathroom alone with porn and he is happy with my friendship.

Now he did not do anything to celebrate our anniversary day. Where I was telling him to go to a weekend retreat somewhere. He smiled and simply did not organize anything. Now valentines day is at the door, there is a dead soul in me. When i think of it, it makes me cry.

I feel so so so much dead in my soul.