I am not convinced that Islam values women

I want to approach this carefully because I am not speaking from rebellion. I am Muslim. I believe in the quran and authentic hadith. But there are specific texts that I struggle to reconcile emotionally and intellectually.

The hadith in Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim where the Prophet pbuh says he saw that women were the majority of the people of hell has always unsettled me. The explanation given in the narration relates to ingratitude toward husbands and frequent cursing. I accept the authenticity of the hadith. What I struggle with is understanding this in light of the broader reality of human harm. Historically and globally, large scale violence, war, systemic oppression, and corruption are overwhelmingly perpetrated by men. So I find myself asking how to understand women being described as the majority of Hell in that context. I am not denying the hadith. I am asking how scholars have reconciled this without implying that women are spiritually inferior.

Marriage is another area where I feel tension. There is the well known hadith about angels cursing a wife who refuses her husband’s call to intimacy without a valid excuse. At the same time, Islam emphasizes mercy and mutual rights within marriage. The quran says “And live with them in kindness” (4:19) and describes spouses as garments for one another (2:187). I am trying to understand how these narrations are meant to function in a way that preserves emotional safety and dignity for women. The way they are sometimes presented makes marriage feel like a space where the burden of sin falls more heavily on the wife.

My last concern is with the topic of modesty. In Surah an-Nur, Allah commands believing men to lower their gaze before commanding women to do so (24:30–31). I understand hijab as worship and obedience. However, culturally and sometimes religiously, it can feel like women carry the preventative responsibility for male desire. Narrations regarding perfume and temptation are often cited in a way that makes it seem as though women are accountable for men’s reactions. I struggle with where the line is between personal accountability and communal responsibility.

I am not claiming Islam devalues women. The quran is clear that believing men and believing women are allies of one another (9:71), and that both are equal in reward and accountability (33:35). My difficulty is understanding how these narrations sit comfortably alongside those verses.