A Letter to my Mom & Dad

I was wondering what others thought about the letter I was going to send to my parents? I need other people's opinions. Also, what questions do you think they'll ask me underneath all the accusations.

When the two of you refused to speak to each other for months and I was carrying on a conversation between you two, I ended up getting severely depressed. Because I feared both of your reactions, I never told you. I was so depressed I couldn’t do well in any class during that year’s fall semester.

I was depressed that I was constantly having panic attacks without knowing. I was tired and done with going between the two of you for months. So much so that I planned to run away. I believed that if I disappeared, it would force you two to work things out. I wanted to do anything, no matter how drastic it was to get out of that situation. 

It started out with me searching for mental hospitals or clinics because I thought there was something wrong with me. In my head, I didn’t understand how I would screw up so badly. Afterwards, instead of a mental hospital, I downloaded a roommate app and looked for reasonably priced places to room in instead. 

Someone recommended that I go to a mental health counselor. After meeting with a counselor, I understood running away wouldn’t solve anything. He also talked to me about academics.

Truth is, after two years, I hated Architecture for a variety of reasons. I have ADHD, and it affects more than just being late, distracted, or having a bad memory. A person needs at least 5 to 6 symptoms to get diagnosed. I didn’t know what it was, how my brain worked, or any ADHD specific techniques where needed to complete assignments. After speaking with the counselor, he helped me understand more about what I would like to focus on.

Since last semester, I changed my major to Human Services. Human Services includes social work, psychology, sociology, nursing, etc. I know that it was a dangerous decision without telling you because I was at a different location. My current advisor has stated that I should work with three classes and attempt to get accommodations for my ADHD. I paid for the semesters using my own money because it was around 2-3000 dollars per semester and I could afford it. I plan on paying my way through Deltech because it is more affordable.

I didn’t tell you last summer because I was still depressed and in an antisocial state. Constantly looking at my phone when there is barely anything interesting just to avoid having a conversation. At the time, I hadn’t considered speaking to either of you about anything because I was emotionally detached.

I feared you both so much. I would always be on my phone for both stimulation and an excuse not to speak to anyone. I would come home after dad was gone. Go in another room, and talk while walking away because I am always anxious around you.

Yes, I lied about a lot of things. And to many people who I will need to correct. I need to explain to them why I changed my major and why I lied about it. I’m sorry.