I don't cry and now am panicking

My mil is dying. We just brought her home and she's in hospice. My husband has been with her every second since she's gotten sick. He is a very emotional person and has been crying a lot. His family is also super emotional and they have all been crying. I am not a crier. I almost have a fear of crying in public-I can't explain it but I am starting to feel like a monster because everyone around me is a wreck and I can't even squeeze out a few tears. Don't get me wrong-I am devastated that we are losing her, I just haven't cried. I don't want him or the rest of the family to think that I am a cold blooded heartless person for not crying. Now I am having a full fledged meltdown worrying about this.