Waiting is hard

I’ve got an Ewings sarcoma hanging out in my abdomen, uninvited. So far I’ve made it through 10 rounds of chemo and 25 rounds of radiation.

Now, I get a month break to rest and recover before surgery. I was so excited to have a break from all the chemo, but now that it’s here I just feel antsy because I want this thing out of me so badly.

I don’t know why I’m making this post, I’m just here, without any energy (radiation zapped it out of me!) and just counting the days to my surgery. Maybe it’s just that it feels a bit scary to not be actively fighting it right now.