UPDATE: I was diagnosed with BPD, but it’s actually a brain tumor.

Sorry for not updating immediately. I was waiting for the doctors to call me back after all of the scans and tests, and I didn’t get home until very late. I’m also extremely exhausted and not really functioning properly, so I apologize if this is a little jumbled.

My tumor is currently 5.9cm, which is apparently pretty large. He says it’s literally grown 1.1% since the scan in which the hospital found it. It has grown itself in an unfortunate position between my frontal lobe, my temporal lobe, and my motor cortex. The doctors don’t feel they can remove it without permanently life altering damage due to the way it’s embedded. They’re going to have me do something called “IMRT” which is a specific form of radiation to see if they’re able to shrink it. As of right now, they are going to schedule a biopsy, but the doctor told me in his opinion without official classification, it looks like a grade 4 and had a hard discussion with me about life expectancy and getting my affairs in order due to the aggression. He told me they’re going to fast track everything and get it all started immediately.

They also discovered I’ve been having seizures, since I had one while there and I didn’t realize. It wasn’t a spasming on the floor type, but a nurse noticed my pupils dilate and then my eyes rolled to the back of my head. They hooked me up to an EEG and I had two more during my 12+ hours at Mayo. My doctor said it’s plausible that I’ve been having these and have been unaware because they don’t present as such, and I live alone so I might not even be aware I’m coming out of one and just feel like it’s a lapse in my memory, or I fell asleep.

So, I’m not allowed to drive anymore.

I did tell my family. I think they don’t understand the severity of it, (I definitely conveyed it) because my dad thinks it’s just a supplement deficiency problem since he heard it from Joe Rogan 🙄 and my sisters say that medical technology has advanced so far, “cancer isn’t more dangerous than a common cold anymore”. My brother is very worried though, but he is in the army and is currently in another country for the next three years. He’s going to try to put in for emergency family leave though, but he says sometimes it takes weeks. I told my best friend and she cried a lot, and insists on taking time off to go to every appointment with me, so she notified her work that her “sister” has had a medical emergency and she’ll be in and out for the next couple of months.

This all feels so fast, I’m still processing so I apologize for taking so long to write this update. I feel like just last week life was totally fine and I had so much life ahead of me. Now everything feels ominous and unsure.

I’m going to fight this. I’m going to try my best, and I appreciate all of the kind words and thoughts I’ve received from everyone. It helped me during a very low moment.

Also as far as the clinic that misdiagnosed me — I filed a complaint with the health board. I filled out the paperwork and a POA so that should something happen to me before I can, my family (specifically my brother) can take legal action and hopefully won’t be saddled with my medical bills and funeral costs. My psychiatrist called me, probably because the oncologist had informed them what was going on per my release, but I missed the call because I was getting scans done. My psychologist called me this morning and apologized for failing to see, especially because we discussed my fatigue and memory problems, etc. and he thought it was all just BPD and ADHD. He started crying, but I told him he doesn’t get to put the emotions and regrets of his failure on me during such a difficult time for me and that I hope he learns from this. I might’ve been a little mean, but I mean… things could be so much different if he and his colleagues had done their due diligence imo.

So, that’s all I have right now. I don’t think I’ll update again, but thanks for reading this. This is a wonderful community, and I’m grateful. ♥️