I had my first drink today.

Been having a really bad few months honestly. I feel like doing nothing, and perpetually feel like shit.

I have been alone my whole life. I just want a friend. And my minds not a good one. I keep on feeling like shit, getting negative thoughts, I hate myself.

I always so in movies and stuff, when people drink at least for a minute their problems go away. I never wanted to start because if I drank every time I was said I’d be an alcoholic by the afternoon.

I know it was just a misconception but a part of me hoped something magical would happen after it. Well nothing, I still feel like shit.

It’s funny neither friends or alcohol will stick with me.

I just wish I wasn’t so terrible. I wish I liked myself. I wish there was something good about me.

Each day a part of me hopes I just disappear. Or go to bed and never wake up.

And it’s not like I don’t try, god I try. It’s just no one’s interested in me genuinely.