My (27F) situationship (28M) keeps comparing me to other women.

S o I’m (27F) seeing this guy (28M) for a little over 2 years and it’s been really on and off throughout. Some days he’s really nice and sweet and on other days he just acts like I’m a nobody. I’m really in love with this guy but I keep feeling I don’t look good physically (he made me believe it). I’ve seen pictures in his phone of the previous women he was with and all of them looked really good, they had perfect body, hair and skin. I on the other hand, look very average and I’m chubby. I’ve gained a lot of weight in the past months due to PCOD and a lot of personal stress.

He keeps telling me that his ideal woman is one who has a lot of confidence and I have none, he doesn’t realize that he’s the one who is breaking it all the time. He told me he likes small and petite looking girls while I’m bigger and taller. He never gives me any reassurance and gets mad if I bring up the topic of how he’s the reason I feel this way, he ignores and tells me that’s not his problem. He checks out other women when I am present with him and I say nothing.

He still has pictures of the past women he was involved with and I’m no one to question it because we don’t have a commitment so that’s none of my business. He also calls me dumb and tells me that he prefers someone who has brains. He has a problem with almost everything and keeps complaining how I should change myself to be the ideal one for him, then he tells me that he doesn’t want someone to change for him.

He knows it very well that I’m the only person who has ever loved him so much and kept up with his attitude problems so much, I know he’s a good guy in his heart who doesn’t know how to behave. For a long time in our situationship he was still in love with his ex and I had to endure that with a heavy heart. He forgets and does nothing on my birthday but always remembers hers. He tells me that she was her first love so it can never be replaced and he’s my first love so it’ll be hard for me to replace him.

I don’t feel valued, my confidence has been totally crushed, I feel so less about myself and it’s hard for me to move on, I just keep wishing that he changes. He’s a narcissist and I know I should let this go maybe. But my craving of him to finally see me and choose me one day keeps me hooked all the time. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. I bring care, attention and love and he values looks, confidence and charm. But also doesn’t let me go. So it’s a viscous cycle that is hard to break.

Any help would be appreciated.

TL;DR: I’m seeing this guy for 2 years and he keeps complaining about how I look, keeps comparing me with other women, telling me that he prefers someone who is small and petite while I’m big and tall. He has pictures of his past women in his phone and all of this makes me feel less. I cannot do anything about it because we don’t have any commitment.