I’m 24 and have been seeing a 39 y/o on/off since October. I ended the relationship a few times because I struggle with BPD and have the tendency to blow up/overreact over small things that spiral. I’m really trying to work on it because it’s exhausting me and others around me. This is NOT to say he doesn’t have his own issues. When he’s going through things (like a legal battle) he will take space and not be communicative which is WHY I would spiral. He’s since gotten better as he communicated that this month he had legal stuff coming up and needed peace + quiet — ok, sure. Not a problem. 

Last month 39 y/o and I were broken up but I mentioned wanting to spend v-day together. He asked me out on sweetest day last year so I figured it would be nice. He told me he’d have to get back to me bc he might be with his best guy friend who is going through a divorce and not having luck dating since, to be supportive. He said he’s done this before. I figured it was like galentine’s and didn’t mind, I thought it was nice of him. Last week, we got back together since I’ve been stable and I told him I expected plans for Valentine’s Day. He told me that the holiday was made up and I laughed bc he asked me out on fckn SWEETEST DAY which I didn’t even keep up with prior to him. We had a date that day and then got together after being friends for months. Whatever. 

I genuinely can’t tell if I’m in the wrong here or if he’s gaslighting the fck out of me. I tried to handle it best I could without being aggressive, but I am very straightforward so sometimes it comes off like that. How did I handle this? Is he right to hold the “ultimatum” (which I didn’t mean for it to come off as) over my head? Or is he just bullshitting me? 

AIO for setting a boundary?