PART ONE: A “friend” got with my rapist ex

WARNING ⚠️ THIS IS A YAP FEST! (Don’t read if you’re not interested in essays lol. Also part one is solely context of my evil ex bf I wanted as much context as possible and wrote too much to put in one post.)

I (19F) was with my ex boyfriend, Glenn (20M), for 3 years during my freshman to junior years of high school.

We weren’t good for each other for a plethora of reasons. I was naive and empathetic. He was manipulative and apathetic. I started liking him because he was “funny”, but even now I know better than that to believe he is. Regardless, I liked men that could make me laugh, someone to show me love when my family didn’t.

I moved in early 2020 to a small town. After I met him, we were friends for about two months before we started dating. He was very emotional at the time, and I didn’t mind it as I love an emotional available man that isn’t scared to cry. But his friends literally warned me when he went to go in his room to cry, that he only did that around women to get their attention. Despite being warned, I found interest in him and went in to comfort him. We started dating a couple weeks later. Nothing like early teenager relationships.

In the beginning of our relationship, he would sob and beg me not to leave him while we were at his house. Then at school, he would ignore me when we were with friends. The whiplash of day and night was insane, but even then at the time I didn’t consider breaking up with him. I was just confused as to why he was begging me not to leave when I showed no interest of leaving. Now I understand that it was his insecurities of knowing I was too good for him.

We ended up breaking up shortly after when I was tired of him sobbing twice a week when I went over to his house. There were only so many times I could ask about his favorite dinosaur to distract him and I was tired of being treated like an object otherwise.

We were broken up for a couple weeks but got back together on the promise of Glenn improving. And he did for a while. I was so happy to have my “best friend” back before our getting together. Then he started deteriorating.

My mom forced me to go on birth control (thanks mom), and I started gaining weight due to the hormones, fast food daily, and already bad relationship with food. When I was a child, my mom and her boyfriend put padlocks on all of the cabinets and the refrigerator. We (my siblings and I) could never eat when we were hungry, only what was given to us. We never went out to eat, we would get fast food tops twice a year. Which I’m not complaining about, but once you give a girl access to all of those things after never having them… of course she’s going to want some McDonald’s fries. Glenn’s family got fast food almost everyday, and actually had a family that ate dinner together. So I started putting on weight.

He made indirect jabs at my body with the most notable one being when he walked me up to my door one night, and started ranting on how hot it would be to have a girlfriend with abs. By that time I had already gained 20 pounds from my skinny body prior to that.

He watched a lot of porn. Followed a ton of NSFW accounts on Instagram. And with his small jabs of my body, including never complimenting me (I was the complimenter)… I started getting incredibly insecure.

At first I never cared about him watching porn or following those accounts. In fact, prior to my insecurities; I would send him photos of other women because I didn’t give a damn. After that point, we had already outgrown one another. I not only was starting to mature and get opinions (which he didn’t like), I was not secure enough in our relationship anymore to appreciate his love for porn.

I was so insecure that I never told my friends anything. In fear that if I told a woman, she would sweep in and steal him away. I don’t know why I thought that, but I guess we’ll get into that…

I started talking to Glenn maturely about my distaste for him following those NSFW accounts. He didn’t care. He would nod along and promise to stop, but the day after I would see him liking another. It got to the point that I would ask him to use an alt account to like the photos at the very least. The problem with my past self was that all of my boundaries weren’t really boundaries. There was no consequence when he failed to do better, the line was just drawn back further and further.

He started hiding his phone, not letting me play literal Roblox on his PC when he was gone. Yet, when he went on my phone I didn’t even bat an eye at him. I didn’t have any access to his social media despite him getting all of my access since the beginning of our relationship (since he was incredibly insecure about me cheating, and I did anything to destroy his worries).

One day I had enough of the inequality between the two of us. I told him that I was going to take away his access to my social media accounts to keep it equal, unless he wanted to give me access to his. He yelled like a maniac and pulled every excuse out of the book to make it so he didn’t have to give me his passwords, but make it so he could keep mine. At this point, we had already been dating for at least two years and I was adamant about my decision. With his sudden secrecy of his phone and the inequality, it was the most reasonable decision to my 16-17 year old mind. (Looking back now we should’ve just broken up… way before that tbh lol). I ended up taking away his access because he “forgot” his password, and when he finally was going to change it the password was going to be “Iwanttodie42” or “imgoingtokillmyself922”, something stupid like that to make me feel bad.

Another time he bitch slapped me across the face because I slapped his ass. (TMI: he used to slap mine and it hurt but when I told him to stop I never slapped him across the face, he would just laugh at my “stop”). He left the room after slapping me across the face and I just sobbed under the blanket. 20 minutes later and he comes back casually like nothing happened and I get mad at him and tell him that if he ever did it again that I would break up with him. A week later he threatened to do it again. Why? Because at our lunch table, I almost spilled his carton of milk because I tugged on his elbow sleeve to show him a funny reel. So he whispered in my ear that he would slap me across the face again if I had spilled any at all. Sometimes I wish he had slapped me across the face, it would’ve been in front of all of our friends and they would know much sooner how horrible of a boyfriend he was. And I *hopefully* would have left him due to that.

Another time he raped me after I worked an 8 hour shift and didn’t want to get freaky. So he waited for me to go to sleep… even after that, I still stayed.

These are just the more prominent fucked up moments between our relationship. There were a lot of smaller ones between that which added more fuel to the fire. Like plugging his ears when I asked him to do better, like punching the wall, laughing after running over a bunny, and ignoring all of my feelings until I asked if we should break up instead (suddenly he cared after that). But I was a naive dumb girl, that only wished the best in a person. I endured through it all until the very end.

Part 2 incoming this is all context here.

TLDR; EVIL EX BOYFRIEND OF 3 YEARS WOULD MAKE ME INSECURE, WAS ADDICTED TO PORN, HAS SLAPPED ME AND RAPED ME :(