The time cliche
It’s been a year since my first post here. I spent November and December of ‘24 not eating, sleeping, and then dry heaving. There was a good bit in January where I just didn’t move from the couch. February to April brought a lot of crying and denial- lashing out- trying to understand why.
Once we started the divorce process, there was a lot of anger on both sides. I had anxiety opening up messages from him- sometimes asking someone else to screen it before looking. I think some of the lying and manipulation during the divorce- paired with his international trips that I presume are heavily supported financially by his affair partner- made me realize what I am now free of. The divorce happened in November, and here we are….
I am not ready to take on someone else. I would rather be alone than feel the obligation to do x, y, or z, for a partner. I like having my own space without judgement. I like not being disappointed by someone else. I like coming home and not having someone tear into me and my self esteem. I like choosing the company I keep. Not being with someone extremely negative is so refreshing. I like that what is left in my tank by the end of the day, I do not have to waste on a person who was leading me on until they were in a more comfortable position. Time has helped me realize these things.
My search history had a lot of “how long until…” strings. Where am I at in this awful process, so I can just speed this along?? And then I would feel the things, the emotions- like you’re supposed to- and just hope that I could be done already (because this sucks). I found myself some distractions which ended up back firing because I think they added additional stress rather than alleviating it.
I know I wasn’t the perfect wife. I was unable to be what he needed, and I see that as a reality. I do feel his ego is too large for any single individual to tackle, but I know that I didn’t meet his expectations. I am okay with that. I was so burnt out by the end. Although I fought the loss of time I had with my son (we’re 50-50), I have learned to embrace and reset. It’s nice having the energy to be mindful of my reactions and how my son interacts with the world.
It has been hard. So stinking hard. I have just not wanted to anymore. However, I can stand here today and say that I recognize the divorce as a good thing for both myself and my son. I still get mad at my ex because he’s still a dick when he communicates with me. I don’t think of him as mine anymore (… that woman with my husband). I don’t care about him outside of those unfortunate exchanges we still have to have. I still think he’s a piece of $hit, but not my problem (aside from the retraining we have to do after exchanges).
Anyway, this is a solid community for those of you just starting. I wouldn’t wish what you are going through on anyone (except maybe my ex lol). This crap sucks, and people in real life aren’t always empathetic, will judge, or maintain the same standards you had when you (broken and alone, trying to pull yourself together) used to have more resources. I’m sure you won’t believe me, just like I didn’t, but the pain does not last forever. It lessens I promise, and you have a forum and people to help get you through it.
Posted Feb 11, 2026, 10:25 PM UTC