Terribly hurt over remarks made by my mom

I have been in tears for the past several hours, very deeply hurt by things my mom has said to my sister. I am (was?) the sole caregiver of my mom, 91, with moderate dementia.

My mom and I were very close my whole life, like best friends. Back in 2019, we both sold our homes and bought a home for us to live in together. We started to see signs of dementia a few years ago and now she is to the point where she cannot be left alone at all, needs help toileting, dressing, etc. I work from home full time, have an autistic daughter also living with us. I am also beginning cancer treatments this week. So my plate is very full.

Over this past weekend, my daughter texted my sister asking if she would take my mom for the day as I injured my foot and needed to stay off of it. My sister agreed and came over to get my mom.

Normally when I’m apart from my mom, she is constantly asking, “where is she? Where did she go? When is she coming back” etc… According to my sister, my mom has not asked about me even once in the last 5 days, and she even said to my sister “I’m not going back there” (meaning to our house that my mom and I own together) and that she “would be better off in a nursing home”.

We live in a very nice home, and my mom has her own bedroom and tv room. I have been waiting on her hand and foot, doing everything by myself (all cooking, laundry, grocery shopping etc). I also had to help her with toileting and giving her showers. It was very stressful and probably took a few years off of my life, but she’s my mom and I promised her years ago that I wouldn’t let her go into a nursing home; that I would take care of her.

I have been in tears all afternoon. It feels like my mom has completely written me off. I have busted my butt, for YEARS and suddenly out of the blue she doesn’t want to come back home? Almost implying to my sister that I wasn’t taking care of her or that I was neglecting her in some way. It is so hurtful I can barely think straight. Thank you for letting me vent.