Day 1

Hello all just started this challenge I’m 18 years old and I’ve been doing it for honestly as long as I can remember ever since elementary school which I know is probably pretty surprising. At first I didn’t really do it to porn just kind of things I found attractive then eventually once I hit my teens I started going deeper down into the rabbit hole. I’ve always wanted to quit I’d say since around my junior year of HS, and over the years I’ve basically had all the shit I liked doing it to saved on my phone and I basically created this system that everytime I did it I would delete something from this collection and eventually it just became worse. As I’m now in my first year of college I’ve found myself stubborn to delete certain things and holding onto new photos and videos that aren’t even apart of the original collection that I said I would stop adding to and once I also realized I had like over 5 years worth of stuff I knew if I kept this system up I would stop doing it by like 26 years old. So I kept looking for a good reason to finally quit because as far as I can remember everybody has always given methods on HOW to quit but never WHY to quit. And this always stumped me because my stubborn brain could never find a good reason to quit. Now I’m a pretty lazy person I also have major social anxiety and right now it’s kind of been a stump in my life I’ve been skipping classes getting about 2 hours of sleep a night, and if I thought that I was bad in HS I’ve completely doubled down now. So I decided that something had to be done whether it was social media, or to stop fap. I decided that to stop fap would be a good start. Then I thought to myself about my future I’m 18 years old and the truth is I won’t be young forever I want a family I want a wife, a kid or two maybe, I want a fulfilling life and I thought to myself why waste anytime. As a father would I have want to told my kid how I couldn’t stop doing stupid shit like fapping till I was like 30 years old. And the bottom line came down to I was tired of losing. My entire life I’ve been anxious and afraid and lazy and I’m tired of it. So one night instead of creating some stupid new system to try and “gradually stop over time” I just said fuck it and deleted everything. The saved posts on Reddit, X, Tiktok, IG. That collection of saved shit I had I deleted everything. It felt unreal and it also was a wake up call I had thousands of shit that was being saved up since 2020. And now here I am so far even though it’s just been 24 hours I haven’t really felt a difference I haven’t had much urges luckily so far but I’m preparing for the worst. I used to do NNN for fun (even though I would give myself like 5 free passes) and the urges were mind boggling back then so that’s why I’m preparing for the worst. But I hope to continue this journey and get one step closer to fixing my mind.

Thanks.