I sometimes like to fantasize about distressing experiences to entertain myself. Since its valentines day today, I thought I’d share some of my fantasies here.

-       First, I imagine a hypothetical world where I was romantically rejected by a crush that I had (called “M”) for whatever reason.

-       M later regrets rejecting me, but does not try to re-connect with me, reasonably assuming that I had moved on by then.

-       Sometime in the future, after both of our lifepaths diverge, M meets someone like me (called “T”), and after reflecting on her regret for rejecting me, chooses to start a relationship with T. There are 2 variants of T that can work in my fantasy:

(1)  T is someone “objectively inferior” to me in a certain way, but not “inferior” enough such that he does not deserve M’s love. Example: T has a slightly shorter temper than me such that he has 1 or 2 more quarrels in a relationship with M compared to a scenario where I was the one in the relationship with M.

(2)  T is someone “superficially inferior” to me in a certain way, such that based on my own principles, I have no intellectual claim that T is actually inferior, however, I still emotionally feel that he is inferior. I am unable to express my emotions without betraying my own principles. Example: T is uglier than me, but I have claimed and truly believed my entire life that being ugly does not make anyone inferior.

-       Let T also be someone who has suffered the same hurt of romantic rejection in his past as I did.

-       Both M and T have a successful relationship that is comparable to a relationship M and I would have had had she not rejected me. The love between M and T is as “true” as the love between M and me.

-       I still suffer in loneliness from the rejection.

-       In the grand scheme of things, I cannot say that:

(a)   “Cosmic justice” hasn’t been done or that the universe is unfair, since T is equally deserving of love as me and had, prior to his relationship with M, suffered the same hurt as me

(b)  That M was wrong, since she made the “correct” decision in the end

(c)   That I am inferior to T such that I did not deserve M, since this fantasy has defined me to be equal to T

(d)  That T is inferior to me, since this fantasy has defined me to be equal to T and that both of us would have been able to have an equally successful relationship with M

-       Yet, I still suffer.

In my fantasy, I have tried to distil the purest form of suffering. There is no injustice for me to protest, no excuse for me to escape to. Hope it’s been a fun read! What are some of your distress fantasies?