My husband is too good for me. I am too mentally unwell.

Hi everyone. I’m not really sure how to word this, but I feel very alone and I don’t have anyone in my real life to talk to. I’ve seen a lot of posts with similar messages but nothing has really helped.

My husband and I are 21 and have been married for 4 years. We don’t have kids, just our two dogs. He is the sole provider and works hard for us. He is genuinely the kindest person I know. He never yells at me, never insults me, never hurts me. He’s forgiving, thoughtful, generous, and patient. If I’m having a bad day, he comforts me. If I’m struggling, he reassures me. He tells me he loves me no matter what.

I feel like he’s too good for me. I’m deeply depressed, and have low support autism needs. I don’t work. I stay home and take care of the house and our dogs, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I feel useless. I feel like I contribute nothing compared to him. I have tried to be medicated but I did not like it. I have problems communicating to him a lot. And i have had a few attempts while being married to him. I feel like he’s my care giver a lot of the times and I don’t want him to put up with someone who is mentally unwell and quite honestly refusing to be medicated. He wants to have children in the future, but I don’t want to pass on my family’s medical/ mental problems to more people.

We also don’t have sex very often because I hate my body and I struggle so much with how I look. He says it’s fine and that he doesn’t care, that he loves me no matter what, but I can’t shake the guilt.

I feel like he deserves someone happier, more confident, more productive. Someone mentally well off. I want someone who will give him everything he needs and more. He has never made me feel like i’m never enough.

Has anyone else felt like this in their marriage? I truly do love him and I know he loves me. we’ve talked about it a lot but I genuinely don’t know what to do. I just want to crawl into a hole and live my life in there.I always feel selfish for meeting him yet alone marrying him when I know how I am.

TLDR. Me and my husband have been married for 4 years we are both 21. I have suicidal tendencies and struggle with low support autism, low self worth, and I want my husband to live life to the fullest and not feel like my caretaker. He says he is fine with it but I doubt anyone would be okay in his shoes. We are rarely intimate, he wants to have children down the line but I don’t want to pass down my family’s mental health issues to a baby. I want him to move on with someone he doesn’t have to safe guard his entire life.