I’m sick of everyone thinking I am not emotionally over my ex bc I talk about what he did to me.

I’ve gathered a lot of facts over the last year slowly but surely and I have uncovered likely a year and some change affair (emotional or other wise idk bc I don’t care to ask bc imo it’s all the same) The time line is he was likely cheating on when I got pregnant with our second child and he divorced me before our son was 1. 10 months later he is re-married to her.

Now our marriage was bad during the time I got pregnant. I got pregnant by coercive sex 2 months pp and found out I was pregnant 3 months pp with our first son. So I had back to back pregnancies bc he was sobbing at me how our “marital bed” is dead. (A statement I now find embarrassing and gross.) after our second was born I was put into the icu for undiagnosed Graves’ disease as I was in thyroid storm. This is a pinnacle moment I knew our marriage was likely over or going to be over at some point. Again I was 3 months po and sick. So I wasn’t planning on an exit any time soon but figured it was a dead case. His behavior was absolutely fucking disgusting in my hospital stay and on the way home I asked for food ( I didn’t sleep for 3 days either bc of the anxiety) to which he tried to get me to sit down bc “we had a baby sitter” aka my mom had our kids. I told him no bc I was tired, haven’t showered in 4 days and just wanted to go home and take a nap. Mind you I was realized still with symptoms. Just not hey you’re almost dead symptoms. So tachycardia, tremors, heat intolerance, severe anxiety etc. I had every symptom of thyroid storm except hallucinations and psychosis at that point. My organs were also in the beginning stages of being damaged. That’s why thyroid storm is so deadly if not treated.

The months that followed were tragic on my mental health as he didn’t take my recovery seriously and didn’t care and I actually broke down calling my therapist telling her the postpartum test had to be a lie. It was bad. I thought I just had post partum depression, she was kind as always but told me the test doesn’t prove anything but maybe I needed to think about the fact I’m depressed not bc of the baby. She was right. Then he came at me one day asking if we could still legally be married but separated. I told if he wanted that he had to leave. Followed by calls from work to FaceTime our kids (he’s a cop) in which his co-worker told me to watch out for the “little girls” at work who find him “rugged” (🤮). He faked me out by asking for couples counseling where he said nothing, watched me cry, then told me she was BS bc she didn’t care nearly enough that “a husband didn’t want sex with his wife” and btw he asked me for sex all the time… so lie.

Next thing I knew he cornered me in the laundry room asking for a divorce and I told him to get the fuck out of my house and he left. ( not relevant to him but to my healing journey, 3 months later I found out my dad had cancer where I became his care taker as my mom worked full time and he died within 6 months so this year has been one serious major event after another)

Yeah sorry i don’t think you go through that and just get over it. He was emotionally and psychologically abusive, not to mention financially abusive to the max ( I didn’t even know that was a thing until I got divorced) and I was a SAHM with nothing. I had no access to money and didn’t even have a conversation or time to prep myself for it. I’m not actually upset I’m not married to this jack ass anymore I am however upset at the things done to me and the life for 16 years I lived that was a lie. As well as the fact he took away my last teen years and 20’s for nothing. I still HAVE NOTHING.

But I think one part ppl don’t get about emotional abuse like this is that you lose all sense of reality. Especially has an isolated SAHM. I need to talk it through and beat a dead horse so to speak bc I don’t even know or trust my own thoughts and opinions and feelings anymore. Bc I was gaslit and manipulated for half my life. I was 18 when we started dating and I’m 33 now. I spent half my life and ALL of my adult years being abused and coerced and manipulated before those were even target words and before I knew better. I don’t know what is real who I am and what my future could possibly be like with 2 toddlers now 2 and 3. Jesus fuck me for talking about that I guess???? I talk it to death bc I need ppl around me to say, yeah that’s not normal nor is that right. I genuinely thought until a year ago my marriage was normal and for all intent and purposes fairly healthy. Bc he made me believe it was. I’m not unpacking the fact I was virtually abused from the moment he asked me to marry him and sexually coerced for far longer. At points graped as well. So no. No I won’t stop talking about it and it’s not bc emotionally I still love him it’s bc I need to in order to heal.