21F 22M

what are these rules? anyways, im not sure how i feel about my boyfriend anymore. i dont need a simple yes or no or whatever but i just want to vent. we’ve been together for 2 1/4 years and its my longest, recently ive been dealing with anxiety, and i guess i just dont feel safe with him anymore. he told me recently “i lose the plot” too often when all i do is try and keep up with him or that he needs to “explain things constantly” to me. despite my ego being bruised im not going to sit here and say im stupid even though i keep questioning it. i have never felt so much pressure to keep up with someone and its exhausting, like im scared everything i say he’ll have explain and further resent me. like i genuinely really really try and keep up, and its like walking on egg shells and its so scary. the beginning of our relationship, i was quick to anger, fighting which i have apologized time and time for again but was accustomed to because of my relationship before him. he seems to take those however months and tell himself it’s okay how he does things (even though he’s been doing it far longer) because of me and my past unhealthy habits. i love him, but i feel pressured constantly. we constantly misunderstand each other (i feel like) and like i know relationships get hard but it feels like im the only one ever to apologize truly. he’ll get me flowers and shit but never actually takes time to fix the things he’s damaged. it’s really confusing