Dmt trip changed me to be my best, while gaining unwanted existential dread

Hi guys pardon my english, I tried dmt for the 1st time and it became a life changing experience. I am in 1 year in on smoking weed and psychdelics stuff like doing shrooms but from the start of this year.

I decided to try dmt and this was truly a gamechanger, for most teenage years I always wanted to study in china and pick up chinese but I always struggled and procrastinated learning it, but after the dmt trip I think a part of my brain was unlocked to pick languages up extremely fast. I managed to learn chinese in less than 2 weeks and managed to be 70% fluent in it.

Plus the previous year where i was 20 and picked up weed (smoking weed every 30h) I was a naive, skinny and awkward guy being unaware of it physically at my lowest but with weed I was mentally strongest.

After this trip where I saw intense visuals and colors, I feel a sense of fakeness, like in this real "sober" world I wasnt able to see colors, smell scents, and taste flavor I sense on my dmt trip. Which triggered an idealogy in me that is human world is limited to senses of humans only and we are unknown and alien to witness the real world around

And after what I saw on my dmt trip was the hidden expanse where you sense something beyond human senses which the deepest and hidden parts of the brain was projecting, I was forever cursed with derealization episodes every few days.

It is at a point now, its sometimes really annoying to think everything is fake and i waste precious seconds staring off into nothingness while my mind turns into a derealized void. To combat this timeconsuming brainfog I blast heavy metal to drown out the thoughts and now Im worried I might get ear damage in the future cuz its becoming a normal daily schedule.

But since my dmt trip which been 4 months now Im no longer skinny, naive and a awkward individual, I hit the gym I gained 20 pounds and currently at my best physique since I was alive. And the brainpower I gained which made me excel in learning languages was all thanks to this dmt trip.

Now I wonder right now, was this the price to pay for me unlocking parts of my brain which made me excel academically (now being able to fulfil my dream to going to china) and physically (now no longer skinny, eating well and smoking weed every 5 days) was for my mind and mentality getting existentially voided and derealized every few days? Now I accept this fact, and when death comes for me one day I will happily accept it knowing my voided derealization experiences finally end and I reunite witnessing the greater world for wut it truly is knowing I lived in the human world knowing I tried to salvage every second I can and used my assumed brainpower achievement to the fullest.

Thanks for reading and good day to you all, peace ✌️