6.5 years long-distance relationship ended staying in no contact even though it hurts more than anything

For the past 6.5 years, I was in a long-distance relationship with my ex-girlfriend. She lives in the US, I live in Europe. Despite the distance, we made it work we saw each other regularly, and in recent years I often stayed with her for a month or longer at a time.

At the end of December, we went to visit her parents together. This time felt different. She had told me she was finally ready to take real steps forward. The plan was to talk about my emigration to the US and our marriage plans. Marriage was never a question for me. I had been ready for years, but I waited because I wanted us to be aligned. We had talked about these things before, many times. And every time it got close, she would later pull back, say she needed more time, or wasn’t ready yet. So this visit felt like a moment of truth.

We were all sitting at the table. Her parents knew my intentions. But when the moment came, she didn’t bring it up. I didn’t do it for her either. Not because I was afraid but because I knew that if she couldn’t take that step herself, she would likely change her mind again later. I needed to know she truly wanted it too. The next day, the day of my flight back to Europe, she told me it would be better if we broke up. I was devastated. But I accepted it. I spoke with warmth, love, and honesty. I tried to understand her. I didn’t beg or fight aggressively but I did express how much I loved her and how serious I had always been. Still, her decision stood.

When I got home on December 30th, I reached out to her parents. They told me they fully supported us and had no objections to our future but that they couldn’t change her mind. From December 30th to January 9th, I did not initiate contact. I only responded warmly when she messaged me every couple of days. I called her once she didn’t pick up.

On January 13th, she asked if we could talk. I knew what that call would be. It was the official breakup call. I stayed calm. I didn’t try to convince her to stay. I told her I understood and accepted it even though I didn’t want to lose her for a second. I didn’t fight her decision. On January 14th, I called her once more to settle some practical matters. After that, there was silence again until January 19th, when she asked me to come pick up my belongings. I told her I preferred she ship them instead. I didn’t want to see her in person. For me, that was healthier for both of us. She found that strange. On January 22nd, she called me crying. She said it had “only been a week” and that I had never been this quiet or distant before. She said I had changed. I reminded her that I had always told her I would stay until the day she decided she didn’t want me anymore. Since January 23rd, we have had zero contact. No messages. No calls. Nothing.

As hard as this is, I am respecting her choice and her space. I am letting her experience what life without me actually feels like. I am healing slowly, but intentionally. I go to the gym regularly. I’m making strong moves in my career. I’m building a new home. I’m reconnecting with my faith. Sleeping is difficult, but I go to bed on time. I eat, even when I have no appetite. I read a lot.

I’ve also learned a lot about attachment styles. Before this, I knew nothing about them. Now I’m certain she has a fearful-avoidant attachment style, while I started out secure and became anxious over time. I don’t think she’s aware of this herself. I wish she would go to therapy but that’s not something I can fix or control.

She was my and I was her first real love. I hope she doesn’t jump into a rebound relationship. I hope she heals. And as much as I want to hear from her as much as I hope for one honest, calm conversation someday I am staying in no contact. Completely. Unless she reaches out first.

Men, stay strong. This is what they chose. Let them experience it. Give the space. Protect your self-respect. Work on yourself. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other. If not something else is waiting for you. But please don’t heal through other girls. It’s not worth it!