How to remain positive in a marriage you feel not working?

We have known each other for a year and have been married for less than a year; I am 32F, and my husband is 33. Our marriage wasn’t supposed to happen, or at least not in such rush from how I wanted things to happen, but I got pregnant mistakenly. I went to a doctor to terminate the pregnancy as part of me wasn’t sure about him, we were still getting to know each other, and some of what I felt about him was not reassuring.. we found out that it was a twin pregnancy. This was the turning point. I have prayed for twins my whole life. And he on the other hand was never in favour of terminating the pregnancy and was ready to get married immediately. So, I wanted to believe it as god’s sign to accept and continue the pregnancy. Eventually we got married. During the pregnancy period, I had thousands of feelings about him, mostly negative. I didn’t feel being cared for or supported in general. Did he not do anything to support me? He did, occasionally, and was too minor to feel like he did something. The pregnancy became risky after 25 weeks and I have spent weeks in hospitals. There were many times I felt like leaving him, simply because I felt he wasn’t kind to me or not present in my life, or that I didn’t feel being loved. But I also knew that my body and mood were controlled by the hormones and I wouldn’t take any drastic decisions during this period. We kept fighting for every issues, small to big.

On the other hand, I realised that we have differences in fundamental values as well, like he would like to have my full trust even when he is interacting with his ex or the fact that all the people he talks to are primarily women. I explained many times, since the beginning of our relationship, how all these things bother me and that we should have common boundaries, and that this is a non-negotiable for me. All he does is defending himself, and characterising me that how suspicious I am.

Anyway, anything I say or do, his first reaction is negative, no no no no.. I have never had so many NOs in my life.. I come from well enough background and I have had a successful career before I met him.. Now my life and routine circle around him as I don’t work, but he doesn’t plan or take initiatives that would make me happy. I feel I have been sidelined in our story, this marriage and this family is all about him. We will be intimate if he wants to or has a mood for it, we will go out if he wants to or has a mood for it, etc.

However, the babies are here, and we have never stopped fighting. And yes, he is a good dad. He takes care of the babies, and he loves them very much.

I am three months into postpartum, and I know the hormones are still messing up with my emotion, however, I feel very strongly that this marriage is not working, or at least will end at some point. I have communicated that. He keeps defending himself, and everything I say somehow offends him. And sometimes I feel that he doesn’t even care what I say or how I feel. We will not be fighting if I don’t raise any issues, or simply I keep praising him.

I fee lost sometimes. I have compromised my standard and principles that were non-negotiable in my previous relationships.

But I want to be in this marriage, if not for me, for the babies. I know marriage is not all about nice and sweet things. But I am struggling to remain positive.

So, I really really want to know if you have been through something similar, if you felt like leaving your partner but stayed on eventually, what was that for, was that worth the pain you endured along the way?

I want to know how you remained positive in a relationship you didn’t see a future with?

Any stories, suggestions, advices, are really really appreciated. But, no hate comments, please.