I wish my attempt was successful

I took a big step when I was 17 and unfortunately it failed. I'm saying unfortunately because life didn't get any better, in fact it might be worse than ever. I'm 22 now and I always regretted seeing my birthdays happen over the years. I didn't want to see 18, then didn't want to see 19 and so on. I wish to not see 23 either but knowing myself, I'm just too much of a coward to do anything at this point. Maybe I should've tried harder at 17, the old me was more brave.