If you have an estranged/semi-astranged parent. Don't show up to their hospital bed. It's not worth it.

I have had my mom kind of locked out of my life for a while now.

I kind of soft launched my estrangement from her because I couldn't bring myself to follow my friends advice and just block her. Sooo I soft launched no-contact when she told be to come get a Christmas gift she got me- and I let her know I won't be going out of my way to see her at all.

I still couldn't bring my self to block her because I'm infected with the same stupid my siblings who have all been spurned by her are.

I'll give one exsample of something shes done of many many things to explain why I have her semi-estranged. And then I'll move on.

When my father passed, (they been divorced for 25+ years and shes not allowed in his home)

Not even an hour after he was declared, she was in his house, in his bedroom....digging through his stuff (for valuables? Paperwork??)

Just y'know real scum of the earth ts.

I looked up other people on reddit who were in the same situation as me. I couldn't find solace in their responses. The comments said "your under no obligation to go, don't let the guilt eat you up, or don't go if its only out of guilt." I figured I was going because even tho I didn't forgive her. I don't feel guilty for protecting my peace.. in some stupid way I do love her...

I get a call from the hospital. Shes in heart failure, had a bad heart attack, they need approval from a family member for procedures. Shes vented. I ofcourse give approval. I call 3 times a day, 2 days in a row-since finding out- to check her prognosis and make sure they don't need anymore approvals. I figure.. I have to make these approvals anyway.. and I do love her.. so I'll go.

Today I was finally able to go down to see her- I brought her favorite waters and some sweets for valentine's day. Spent 65$ on my uber because I don't drive. I brought some hair stuff to do her hair because I know those hospital pillow cases are brutal, and some Vaseline for her lips.

When I arrive, Shes off the vent and can barely speak one or two words at a time. She is fuckered up. But has absolutely amazed her medical team with her recovery.

She distinctly says

"I dont have a daughter."

"Fuck you"

And when asked if I should stay she said

"Hell no."

I'm the only one who answered the medical calls for her, 4 out of my 5 siblings have not contacted the hospital at all.

I left my number for the medical staff and left her waters.

Took the rest of my shit and dipped tf out.

Don't gotta tell me twice.

What I've learned today is..

If your debating on caring.

If your debating on going.

Don't.

Love isn't a debate, its not a pro and con list.

You won't question if you should care or not when you Are supposed to care.

Don't make the same mistake I did.

Some lessons are really painful to learn.. ouch.