New Parent Help

Husband and I have been at odds with things that are important while managing our baby (7 months). His focus has always been having a spotless house and kitchen. In short, he has certain ways he wants his knifes and cookware cleaned and wants our kitchen spotless. He constantly is telling me to clean things “now” and that I need to remember to “clean this, this way.” For me, I have the mindset that I’ll get to it when baby is asleep, but will do everything that I can to focus on my child during wake hours.

Our house is far from a mess. In fact, I would say it’s pretty tidy considering we have an infant and a large dog. Plates are always placed in sink and a random coffee cup may be left out but I never leave dishes or baby bowls out in the kitchen. However he wants everything stacked and organized in the sink with water stains wiped down 🥴. This definitely isn’t top of mind for me when I’m feeding and trying to entertain our child, not to mention, I’m somewhat forgetful of this standard my husband has set. My husband says that this is something that he’s inflexible with since he cooks every night.

I think his little “rules” have stemmed as a result of him needing control in different areas and choosing our house as the area that he has control. Anyways… This is both our first time raising a child but some loss of communication and priorities have seemed to be at play here.

TLDR// What are some tips and strategies for bridging/having a conversation about how to approach different priorities as parents? Are there any books that can be recommended for first time parents learning how to adjust and meet expectations halfway?