Forbidden love’s a cringy trope

I (19nb) have a friend (18m) that I made relatively recently. Over the past few months, we’ve grown to really enjoy each other’s company, I think. Not like besties or anything, but I love hanging out with the guy

However, in the first month or two of talking to him, a few people started shipping us. I fed into it a little, since I don’t get crushes often and I thought it would be fun. But after a while, it just got kind of uncomfortable, since he seems to be HARDCORE gay. Not “bi-with-male-preference,” not “gay in the male and nonbinary way,” just straight up, clean cut gay. I am non binary, so I felt like it was disrespectful to ship me with him, and I got this across with everyone I know

Things were chill after that!! It felt like a breath of fresh air, y’know? No expectations, just a genuine friendship. I wasn’t looking for anything—we just liked each other. I feel like we grew closer after I shut that whole shipping thing down, too

But then we hung out today. February 14th, Valentine’s Day. For anonymity, I’m not going to say what we did. But I tried a new hobby upon his request, and it was actually really really fun. I sucked really bad at it, and he kept having to step in and check on me, but it seemed like he still had fun (or at least I hope he did lol)

And now, back at home, after riding in his car and hyping him up while we were out and listening to music and lowkey finding out that we enjoy each other’s company more than some other people’s, I think I’m actually forming a bit of a crush.

God. I can’t believe it. He’s totally not into me, and I also really don’t want to feed into what everyone was trying to push onto us, before. And now I’m sat here and I want him near me as he looks at something on my phone and I want him to very lightly punch me when he sees a Volkswagen Beetle and I want to toss him his favorite chocolate bar and I just want to take these feelings and twist them into something plutonic but I don’t know if I can.

He is genuinely one of the sweetest people ever. I’m pagan, and I work with Eros, and I’ve thought about asking him to take these feelings away from me. But, since he’s the god of romance, that almost feels wrong to ask for. I just don’t know what to do, man. I wasn’t built to feel like this. I’m nobody’s type, and I’m left to wonder if my feelings will ever get the memo :(