FTM with ADHD

Hi! I’m a first time mom who also has ADHD. For the time being, my plan is to be a stay at home mom. I was a Montessori teacher before having baby but nanny’s and daycares in my area cost more than my salary so it made more sense for me to stay home. But also I’m absolutely loving being home with my little one. So it wasn’t necessarily a sacrifice, I’m very happy. HOWEVER, without a schedule I am a MESS. My little one is 12 weeks and finally does have some semblance of a schedule — bedtime and waking time are roughly the same every day, and he naps consistently every hour and a half. But other than that, I’m basically free to choose how I spend my free time and while that sounds like an absolute luxury, my executive functioning is trash with this sleep deprivation. What ends up happening is I think of everything I need to do or could do and basically end up doing nothing until my son’s nap ends and then I’m hanging out with him again and feeling shame that I got nothing of note done during his nap. Don’t get me wrong, choice paralysis has always been something I struggle with. But it feels worse no because I feel like… I have to find new things to give myself worth. Since I don’t have a job title as part of my identity. And yes, yes, I know that being a mother is basically a job. But I don’t want to necessarily view it that way. I want to feel good about keeping a clean house, staying on-top of scheduling things, keeping up with my hobbies and self-care. I’m not currently on medicine, but the heath care system in my city is really backed up and every time I call to just GET a primary care provider, I’m told to call back in a month. Which is a nightmare for ADHD because all of the effort it took to make a call without any reward from it combined with forgetfulness means I won’t be calling to try again for probably four to five months. ANYWAY. I guess I’m looking for either advice/encouragement from any other ADHD mamas or even just solidarity so I don’t feel like an utter failure when the only thing of note I’ve accomplished in a full week was three full loads of laundry.

TL;DR — Having ADHD and navigating motherhood for the first time is rough. ):