Wondering Why I Still Try

Just started feeling like divorce is going to happen because I feel like things are never going to change. Even though I’ve just recently started thinking about divorce, I still got him a card and a few snacks etc he likes. I didn’t even get a card, which is the only thing I’ve ever asked to get. He said he thought our gift to each other was just going out to eat. Together almost 20 years and married 16.

He’s never been overly affectionate like I used to be with him, but now there’s no affection at all. No real kisses or even hugs. No sex. No compliments or support when going through something difficult. When I’m not myself, instead of asking in an actual caring manner how he can help , what he can do for me, etc he yells at me asking what’s wrong with me. He tells me he loves me, but his actions say otherwise. I feel like I’m just a convenience to him and he thinks I’ll never leave, but I’m finally feeling like I’m at the end of my rope and don’t know what else to do.