I (20M) am losing will to live because of the long distance relationship with my gf (20F)

I (20M) am in a long distance relationship with my gf (20F) for about an year. We met through reddit.

I went to see her like twice.

She cheated on me with her ex (33M) when i went to go see her for the first time in july 2025. After that I’ve been insecure all the time that shes gonna cheat on me again or something. I know she wont but still, insecurity and anxiousness is there.

The problem is she always says that im emotional. Whenever she does something wrong that hurts me, she just says sorry and move on. She says she wouldn’t have been hurt if she was in my place amd moves on. But i always need more clarity. Even she notices that Im upset but she doesn’t care, she says she has work and that im wasting her time.

Whenever we argue about something she just turns into this new personality, full of sarcasm and hate. It really makes me cry and even when i cry she says its cringe to cry and that my tears have no value. It makes me feel soo unheard and unwanted or unloved or whatever and it gives me suicidal thoughts like i dont know what to do, can anyone help me with this?