Calling a suicidal person “selfish” makes them less likely to ever ask for help again.

Telling someone who opens up about suicidal thoughts that they’re selfish is one of the fastest ways to make sure they never reach out to anyone ever again.

I might be biased. I live with suicidal ideation, and I survived what I consider a suicide attempt two months ago. In reality there was no way what I did was going to kill me, in the mindset I was in, I believed it would kill me. Even though it didn’t, the intent was real.

In the days leading up to it, I told a few people I wasn’t okay. Nobody followed up. Nobody noticed when I disappeared for several days. After I came to and had time to process what happened, I told someone. At first, I got the silent treatment. He didn’t know how to handle it, I somewhat understand. I got a pet and moved out of a toxic environment but was still struggling, I reached out again. I was told my problems were “beyond the fix of human compassion” and that all they could do was drive me to the psych ward. When I said that would make me feel more isolated and reinforced I wasn’t in immediate danger, I just wanted support, I was called selfish and delusional. That I have a warped sense of reality for saying that I didn’t think the psych ward was a good idea.

Just in my personal experience, my negative thoughts are loud, I am holding on by a string, my bearded dragon is the only thing keeping me here. If that string snaps, and I break down, I will be getting it right the next time, the last thing I will ever do is reach out for help.

To be clear, I am NOT saying don’t call for emergency help if someone is in active danger. Wellness checks and psychiatric care can absolutely be necessary and life saving in certain situations. I’m also not saying friends should be therapists or sacrifice their own wellbeing.

What I am saying is this, a suicidal person needs community support alongside professional help. You don’t have to fix them. You don’t have to have the perfect words. But the worst thing you can do is make them feel like a burden.

When someone is already fighting thoughts that they don’t matter, calling them selfish can feel like confirmation that the world would be better off without them. Threatening cops and ambulances as a first response instead of listening can reinforce the belief that they are a problem to be managed, not a person to be cared about.

You can believe suicide is selfish if you want. But telling a suicidal person that, in the moment they’re vulnerable enough to ask for help, is not helpful. They will shut up fast. Dangerously ignorant words is what get people killed.

You don’t have to be their therapist. You’re allowed to have boundaries. But being a listening ear, checking in, reminding someone they matter, that’s not enabling. That’s community. And sometimes feeling less alone can be how you save someone’s life.