I'm happy

I know you are happy with him. so I am happy you are. I wish you both the best even if it hurts in some ways I'm still happy about it.

I wish this wasn't so hard. I really am happy but fuck I wish I wasn't almost? I wish I was upset more.

I wish I was more upset than happy rather than my current state as the inverse. I am happy for you but I feel like I should be more distraught. you are perfect. I lost you due to ME nobody but ME.

it was my fault. all mine. the advice other s have mee is no excuse. why did I listen to my damn uncle and everyone. it's still I STILL ME . still my choice and my sin.

my abhorrent actions and choice.

I can't blame anyone else.

I can thank you for the kindness and love.

I can thank you for finding a man who I pray is perfect

I pray you didn't lie to make me jealous like so many suggested.

I really hope you didn't. I know you didn't.

I don't matter to you thank God

why would you try to upset me

why try to make me jealous

you wouldn't there's no reason to

so I'm happy. happy for you both.

if you need a spare organ or blood.

I'm a universal donor. at least my brother is too

I'll make sure you are taken care of however I can. if he's not perfect and you lied to make a different man jealous.

I'm sorry I can't support you through the issues. I wish I could. I wish I was that guy for you. I wish I was a friend. a confidant.

I was for a day or so, your health issues asking about PT

ITS MY OWN FAULT IM NOT HIM. NOT YOUR MAN BUT YOUR CONFIDANT ANND FRIEND.

I can't sleep. I see double when I try to read. karmic huh