I almost turned back before sunrise at Thorong La and I’m still thinking about it

I did the Annapurna Circuit last month.

Everyone talks about Thorong La (5,416m). What nobody really explains is how quiet it feels at 4 am when you’re putting your boots on and your heart already feels like it’s working too hard.

I barely slept at High Camp. Not because I was excited. Because every time I woke up I checked if I had a headache. Or nausea. Or something worse. I kept convincing myself I was fine and then five minutes later questioning it again.

When we started walking it was completely dark. Just a line of tiny headlamps moving slowly uphill.

About forty minutes in I had this very clear thought. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I can turn around right now.

That thought stayed with me the entire climb.

I did make it across. The sun came up and it was beautiful in that harsh, high altitude way. But the strongest memory I have is not the view. It’s that moment of doubt in the dark.

If you’ve crossed Thorong La or any high pass in Nepal, did you ever have that quiet moment where you questioned yourself before it even began?

I’m curious how common that feeling actually is.