Autumns Reevaluation

Our first encounter brought back memories of the summer stress I was about to leave behind. I was bracing for the hottest month’s heat, but knowing that you were giving me a chance to cool down made it all worthwhile. I would see you again before we agreed that I belonged in your system. I would make sure to spend those few hours provided to get my training on. I always tried my best to impress you and the others so that I could move up the levels. Right on!

Your eyes and approval were what caught me in, providing a safety net. Your eyes again noticing before your words conveying to me that my performance is becoming a letdown. Which now requires me to adjust myself because the person that you let in is not who I am now. I’ll admit I’m having mental health issues, and it’s hard for me at the moment. I’m in the process of discovering to start my recovery.

I’ve spent two seasons with you, and we’re entering our third. With spring showers providing rain… I can’t escape the puddles of their reflection. I’m disappointed at where I am now. Deep down, your opinion matters, and I’m sure you’d agree as well. I sincerely appreciate you and your help. I’m hoping you’d give me another chance.

Let me remind myself, let me help myself, let me add or subtract some of the things I need to equal a better version for myself. You’ve seen my potential, and you also know some personal life issues. Relatable experiences are what connected us. Relatable memories of you now are what I’m using to strengthen me. The same system that helped give you another chance to become this amazing woman in this leadership role. Is the same system that you pass down to provide me with…

I admire you, and lately, most of our conversations have been about topics that remind me that my work ethic is my most prideful aspect of myself. I’ve already fallen into this hole that I can’t climb out of… realizing that I’m not supposed to escape; I just need to take root and grow.

Everything with you seems to be one of a timing system. You’re the queen of reminding others that timing is essential. Scheduling time weekly through everyone’s current and future potential. Providing time for others and giving time to yourself. Smile. You should be proud of yourself. So I hope I’m still with you when the time comes. I’ve given myself till Autumn…

Reevaluating