Rant / Why is it hard to meet queer femmes?

I'm 29 and I live in a small town in a red state in the US. It's basically a retirement town and the average age is 50+. It's really hard to meet young people because couples get married and have kids so early. I've met women in their early 30s with kids that are age 5-14.

I go to this gym that has classes and I saw this cute girl last month who was my type (femme, athletic, outdoorsy, golden retriever energy). The last few times I saw her we both held eye contact and I caught her looking at me a couple of times. I'm super shy (only dated one girl who was my BFF), so I was actively working up the courage to chat with her and figure out if she was queer. Yesterday I overheard her talking about her husband and I felt so deflated and angry at myself. The last girl I had a serious crush on also turned out to be straight (found out she had a bf a few weeks after meeting her).

I know a big factor is that it's genuinely harder to meet queer people in red states but idk if there's something wrong with me. Is my type straight women? How do I meet femme women who are also gay? I'm moving to a big city in a few months so I know that will help but I still find it so really hard. Dating apps don't work for me. I present as androgynous and have been told I look younger than my age so I feel like people don't even really notice me at bars and such. Just tired and wondering if I'm ever going to date again.