What the fuck is this game

I am a big Total War fan and a strategy enthusiast in general,but I can't explain how stupid I feel when I play this game. After finishing the extended tutorial a Norwegian king or whatever he is asks me to join him in invading Britain since we are allies due to me marrying his hot daughter. I of course accept and we lose. Okay. For the 2nd try I go as the count or whatever the title is in Desmond. I wait a couple of years to get everything nice and set,my council looks exquisite,my wife is hot and my scheme for a reason to declare a war is ready- Well too bad since once I gather enough gold to be able to wage a war the ruler of Munster decides to wage it against me. For my 3rd try I decide to go with county of Leinester since they got a better force than the Desmond- now I know my mistakes and take actions immediatly.I take over Earldom of Ossory and during my war a small pox breaks out killing almost all of my council and my ruler. Sure, I know I'm not good and I'm not making good choices-but what the fuck is the learning curve in this game? Help