I feel like romantic connection is a world I am not allowed in

I am wondering if others here on this sub are dealing with the same sense of loneliness and am. And the hopelessness of finding a companion. I feel like romance is just something I am not allowed to have. A part of life that I don’t get to participate in.

In terms of love life and connection, the best way I can describe my lifelong situation is that it is a world that I am not invited into. It is like I don’t meet the prerequisites to exist in the romantic world. I have been trying to explain my feelings and perspective in therapy, and what I came up with was an analogy. (I’ll preface this by saying I by no means mean it to be offensive, just trying to find anything to compare to). But I feel about romantic connection how I imagine past and present discriminated against groups may feel about social and economic freedom and justice. You’re whole life because of something you can’t change you don’t meet the requirements for a basic need. That’s effectively how I feel. Because of something deep within me that I cannot name, because of my identity, a basic need is not something I am ever allowed to hold.

A lot of this feeling was reinforced by an old situationship who others have told me may have been emotionally abusive, but i don’t know what that really means. She initiated and then withheld sex from me and told me it would never occur because I can’t keep my emotions out of it. Among other things, the emotional side of that relationship mirrored the sexual I guess. I guess that infantilization speaks to the same sentiments in this post.