Last day being pregnant.

I lost my baby to Trisomy 21 at 10 weeks, didn’t find out he lost his heartbeat til 12+1. I got a high risk NIPT and confirmed T21 and his passing at my NT scan following the results. He was gone before I even had my blood draw.

It has been horribly painful (mentally) carrying a baby that I know isn’t alive for almost three weeks. But I’m also sad that today is my last day with him in my belly, I have a D&C at 5am tomorrow.

Is that weird? Like, I know he’s gone, but tomorrow he will *actually* be gone and out of my body forever. Idk. I’ve had chemical pregnancies before and those were also super hard, but it’s just a different experience for me after finding out the gender and seeing a strong heartbeat. And then to process my mind knowing he’s gone, but my body has no idea. I’m trying to keep myself distracted today by cleaning the F out of my entire house so I can at least rest in a clean home tomorrow and not have to worry about that. Sigh.