ILY

My mind has been slowing down almost to a screeching halt at times. Idk whether to be thankful or to be prepared for a crash. When I couldn’t fall asleep last night, I tried to summon your memory to pacify and that is when I realized I’m stating to forget the sound of your voice.

I’m used to your absence but I’m accustomed to being able to fill-in those blanks on command. If it’s goodbye for us, why can’t it be with the same warmth as we had before the insanity? I m choosing to see you as the person I know you are despite the fact that it had a way of bringing the worst out in us out at times. I think I believe those moments we connected with softness and love were who we really are at a fundamental level. Can you do the same? Can you think of me like that still? Look past the way I wear life and think of me fondly?

I used to make fun of twin flame logic, and well I still do especially when it comes to documentaries that showcase the lack of critical thinking skills people have, but really the sad truth of that is those people were naive and gullible because they wanted to believe the love they want exists for them. They let hurt and pain cloud reasoning. I’m probably doing the same right now because I think if anything like that did exist, it would be what we are to each other because we both kick-started healing, learning, and generally facing our own reflection. Still, I never want to be reduced to simply being lessons to each other. You were a lot to me for a really long time, that includes the good and the bad, but I’m hoping you let the good outshine the rest and you allow yourself to hold me going forward the same way. Because the majority of all of our issues were simply because we couldn’t hold each other in a tangible, permanent way. But the thing is, we can, even if it looks differently in the end than what we imagined. Hold me like that, okay?