Business Class to Battlefield: The Day My Luggage Fought for Freedom

I woke up with a business class ticket.
I went to bed with only two suitcase wheels and trust issues.

Here’s the speed run of my descent into madness:

1. The Downgrade
Business class → economy. Left to choose between a Window seat or middle seat.
I’m not built for economy. Emotionally or structurally. I'm a large person. But here we are, I just wanted to visit my family and make it on my dad's birthday.

2. Surprise! You are in Oklahoma Now
On the way to Dallas we get diverted to Oklahoma because of weather.
Do we deplane? Absolutely not.
We sit on the runway for 2 hours like rotisserie chickens.

I have to pee, my seat mate doesn't get up.

So I climb over her. Getting out: Cirque du Soleil.
Getting back in: National Geographic footage of a fallen walrus.
At one point I fully sit on her. I hope she learned a critical lesson here, and yes she is still alive.

A small package of cookies is handed out, and they are only doing half cups of water. Dying of thirst.

3. Dallas: The Cardio Edition
Finally land. The gate changes 8 times. 5 hour delay.
I’ve now seen parts of DFW that aren’t on maps.

4. Mechanical Drama
Board Sarasota flight.
Mechanical issue.
Another hour.
At this point I would’ve accepted a horse.

5. Florida Finale
Land. Rental car canceled. Call my dad for a ride like I’m grounded.

Go to baggage claim.

My suitcase left Canada with 4 wheels.
It arrived in the U.S. with 2 wheels and a large hole in it.

My luggage has seen combat.
I have seen things.

American Airlines said “Have a nice trip.”
What I had was an origin story.

PS: American Airlines, I hate you. You were terrible.