Dumped the Day Before Valentines 💌

So my bf dumped me the day before Valentine’s Day. He said the most generic responses like “we aren’t compatible” and “we are growing in different directions”. During the entire relationship he was cheating, lying, and ultimately became someone I couldn’t trust. These are the myths of a gay relationship.

#1. Communication Brings You Closer.

- I communicated every thing, every feeling I had when it would come up because I thought communication would make our relationship better. It didn’t. He was committed to not being genuine with how he was feeling in the relationship. He ended up just using those feelings I had communicated to him as a get back or extra reason I should “feel good” about being dumped. He never took my communication as a way to bond with me, he saw them as ‘weak spots.’

#2. Therapy Helps

- My partner was in therapy our entire relationship.Fortunately, he would use his therapy to learn the hard truths about himself or how to better his understanding of people around him. He also went to therapy to learn therapy speak and would use it to manipulate me. He would really convince me I was toxic for raging when I found out about the other guy or the nudes he was sending around.

#3. If Mom Likes You, You’re a Keeper

- My ex mother-in-law really enjoyed my company. We would talk on the phone for hours when I lived in a different state. I would go to her if I needed help. She was very kind to me. She was not that kind to her son. Unfortunately, she was also a serial cheater in all of her recent relationships, all of her kids witnessed it. I think this definitely played a part in the infidelity issues in our relationship. Though mom liked me, I found out she would also push my partner to “find better” when he would cheat. Because I obviously wasn’t enough.

#4. Money is A Non-Factor

- For the most part, money means nothing. One thing o will say about it though. I grew up very poor and homeless at points. My partner was middle upper class his entire life. This disconnect of money struggles made certain things like traveling, work life balance, going out, dates, very hard to talk about. He couldn’t understand the financial insecurity/stress I faced. When I would express it, he would try to. But he just couldn’t. I had to accept that.

#5. Get Along With Your Partners Friends

- I always made a point to leave a good impression on my partners friends until I found out what all of his friends were doing. Most of them were quite racist. I’m not against polyamory or open relationships at all, however I always questioned why my partner never had friends who were in monogamous relationships. Literally none. Turns out, my partner wanted an open relationship the entire time. Which is fine, if he ever communicated it. But he just secretly went on his ventures expecting no recourse. This also meant when he would fuck up, his friends would encourage him to cheat more and find more people to “explore” with. His friends weren’t people that would hold him accountable and that was ultimately the issue I had.

#6. All Gay Men Cheat

- Yes, my partner cheated multiple times. But I can proudly say, I never cheated on him. I never sent a message, I never called anyone, and I sure as hell, never went to get it. Through all this heartache, I can say I don’t carry a lot of guilt because I never would’ve treated him the way he treated me. No I’m not happy, but I’m not regretting how I acted. I’m happy that I can finally feel like myself again because I don’t have to worry about if there is a stranger in my bed.